Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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