so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
