He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
