whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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