I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
