No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
home. puking in laundry basket.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
