So drunk, too bad you don't want this
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
