You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
