Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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