You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
