All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
