So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
