roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
