I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
