Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
