just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
