When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
