I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
