So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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