based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
