after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He felt like a one man threesome
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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