we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
