You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
