if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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