Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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