I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
