Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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