My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
