i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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