Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
