wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
