Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Randomize
