he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You need a sexual gate keeper
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
