It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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