my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
