Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
