Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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