so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize
