i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
