you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
