States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
