He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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