No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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