my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
