Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
