I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize