Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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