Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
