fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
