I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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