i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
