I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
